So this is my first time blogging. I read a few before and think this will help me mentally and emotionally in various ways. Venting for one, since complaining to friends about the same thing over and over can become super annoying. Also, just "saying it out loud (ie. typing it)" helps clear my mind. So hear goes.
I am married to a man who is about to go into his 2nd year of med school. But first I'll start from the beginning. We lived in Memphis, TN, he was about 1 month out from graduating pharmacy school when we met. I didn't know at the time he was about to move (8hrs away) for med school in the next 2 months. After dating for those 2 months he decided to defer med school for a year while we tried to see how this went. Well obviously it went well and with in 8 months he bought a ring and proposed. But love seemed to come with a catch. We were to move to the other side of the state (TN is a very long state) in 2 months for him to start his m1 year. I was to leave my friends, family, home, job, place I lived my whole life, to be with him, and follow his dream. Talk about a tag along...
So I took the plunge and we moved.
That first place (limited time to apt hunt, and I had never been to this town before), was not ideal. I was used to a new cushy house with plenty of room for my pups to run around. This 100yr old duplex was lacking to say the least. During this first year, we had to learn how to live together, manage our bills, be apart 90% of the time due to his studying, and not kill each other. Oh, and did I mention I was planning our wedding, back in Memphis the whole time?
To say the least, life was stressful. Not finding a decent paying job was a Hugh blow to my ego and bank account. I have always had a job where I was making a comfortable salary for myself and was proud of what I did. Job hunting in this small town with less than the pay I made straight out of college (6 years ago), was one of the hardest hurdles for me.
I seriously missed my family (who I saw every couple of days). My mother and I had grown exceptionally closer than we have ever been, in the last 3 years of my living in Memphis. So leaving her and my dad was the pitts! My best friends since college were having babies, buying houses and putting down roots for themselves. I was leaving town and about to miss all the good times we always have. I left a job, managing a small business, working with animals, with ppl I had grown close too, not to mention the pups I adore. I even had to leave Odie, who I personally doggy-sat monthly, and my pups were as fond of him also. (my mom still watches him, if that says anything). My independence and freedom, and the fact that I'm a little older than the normal age of going straight to med school from under grad, made it hard for me to do something so selfless for another even though I knew I loved him.
I gave up everything, to be with this man, and we weren't even married!!! Looking back, I was nuts!!! But that's what happens when you fall in love.
The next year of wedding planning (agghhhh), job hunting, and constant studying was a struggle but we were prepared. They warned us it would be difficult, so I tried to be mentally prepared. We kept a date night every Friday evening. If we missed due to study time or me working one of the 4 jobs I went through during that year, we would reschedule for the next day or the night of his test.
We tried to attend all the "med school" events to meet people so I could make friends. I'm not going to lie, it was lonely at times, and I used every excuse I could to go home and visit with my friends and family. He rarely came with me. The drive was long and boring, but I always took one of my dogs with me for company. And seeing my friends was so worth it.
I remember a 2 week period where I only saw him getting in and out of bed. I would already be in bed when he would get home from studying, and I would get up early to go to work, while he got some sleep before his exams. That was a rough week.
I occasionally had mental breakdowns, where I would start sobbing uncontrollably. He would ask what was wrong, but I couldn't tell him. Cuz I didn't know why I was doing it. I'm sure, in the back of my mind, it was because I was lonely, depressed, and tired of being that way. I didn't want to look weak. But also because I didn't want him to feel guilty, like I blamed him for my sadness. It wasn't his fault and I was committed to this new life we were making, but doesn't mean there wont be weak moments. I know he felt like it was all his fault and he tried all kinds of things to cheer me up. Which usually made me feel worse.
Eventually, I made a couple friends, and learned we were experienceing similar meltdowns. So we could comfort each other. They were friends I could really talk to, be comfortable around, laugh with. Also, I found a job, that pays a little better and I mostly enjoy.
We made it through the wedding, thank you Linda and mom!! Then came our next challenge, he got a internship for the summer, 5 hours away!!!! We were newlyweds and couldn't be together for the only summer he has off from school. He would drive to Nashville for the week days and then come home to work on the weekends. My salary still wasn't enough for us to live on by itself. Since we both worked while he was home, we rarely saw each other. Then, just for fun, we threw in a move. Our lease was up and we were desperate to live somewhere with central heat and air and a kitchen bigger than a 4x7 ft space (that is counting room for the appliances, no joke). After finding the perfect place, but with higher rent, I spent 2 days moving all I could on my own, with help from my new friend. Then, on his one weekend off, we rented a uhaul and moved the rest. He immediately went back to Nashville, while I worked on unpacking and decorating. Luckily, I'm pretty handy and use to be a nomad so am pretty good at moving. But still, it was exhausting. I felt like a single lady all over again. And not in the fun sense.
Did I mention I was training at my new job to be a manager, this whole time? That has been lots of fun as well.
So his internship ended last week. He has moved back home, and now we are re-adjusting to living together. Learning how to be married, consolidate our bills and money (which is easy cuz I have none), and trying not to get on each others nerves. Plus he doesn't know where anything is, since I did all the unpacking. If he asks me one more time where something is, he is getting a fist to the throat! Aggggghhhhh!!!!! OK, I'm better.
Its funny, when he's away I miss him terribly and when he's here, I want to kill him. Where is the happy medium? Its been a roller coaster ride and 2nd year starts in 3 days. Everyone says 2nd year is harder, well I doubt that. Maybe for him, but I cant imagine surviving another year of wedding planning and all the other adjusting.
I like to think my independence from my past is what kept me sane (most of the time). But we'll see how it going from here.
